21 Ways to Gain More Love in Your Life

2013 - 21 ways to gain more love

It’s often that we don’t realize we want to heal until we are unwell. The call that we are losing our homeostasis or balance isn’t heard under the drown of western life until its very serious, and in that call the most deepest cry is Self-Love.

I myself didn’t hear the call until the pain of losing my dad to cancer became too much to hold onto three years later. It was only called to my attention to really care for myself when I realized I wouldn’t have the strength to lift this deep-seated mountain of pain off me.

And in a moment of inspiration I realized that every external moment of love I felt I could actually maximize it by giving it to myself. I could be my own best lover and love me like I really desperately needed.

My soul was crying out for me to realize that every time my beautiful partner did it ‘wrong’ it wasn’t him; it was just meant to be both given and received by me. I realized that it was my job and my job only to take my needs very seriously and take care of them myself.

And while I was so reluctant to deliver everything myself because of previous relationship condition that says the man should do everything in his power to keep me happy (funny that) I could feel in the depths of my soul that this was true for me.

So I started to write – I wrote down every single disappointing experience I felt in my relationships and what I wished would have happened instead. I also wrote down everything I wished he would do.

What I found was that these were all things I could give myself and that some of the external things I had written down were merely echoes of what they really were about. And yes I came across great resistance to doing this because I didn’t want to have to be responsible for another thing and I didn’t want to add more onto my plate but the pain of staying where I was destroying the relationships to the people I held most dearly was too big a price to pay for staying stuck in victim land.

So this is what I found out that when I wrote down:

  1. Opening doors for me I really meant that I wasn’t putting me first.
  2. Giving me gifts and flowers I really meant I wasn’t treating myself well enough
  3. Massages and gentles touches it was my soul crying out for more body work
  4. Love my ideas I wasn’t really supporting and backing myself
  5. Celebrate my successes – small and big I wasn’t making a big enough deal out of my own life
  6. Be proud of me I wasn’t being proud of myself
  7. Be chivalrous and treat me like an extremely precious woman I was no where near treating myself preciously
  8. Plan things for me I wasn’t planning an amazing life or experiences for myself
  9. Ask me what I would like I wasn’t even asking myself that
  10. Ask me my opinion I wasn’t interested in that either
  11. Show me a whirlwind of new things I wasn’t even open to receiving new experiences on my own
  12. Anticipate my needs I really needed to find out my own needs

And then I wrote out my needs, which turned out to be:

  1. Lots of fresh water
  2. Great sleep 8+ hours
  3. Lots of breathing and meditation time – at least once a day
  4. Reading/daydreaming time
  5. Physical pampering and gentleness = massages, restorative yoga, stretching, hand creams and face masks
  6. To be my first priority – I really needed to see myself as worthy and act that way.
  7. Cuddles and kisses and touch – this really grounds me and I need to let myself be vulnerable enough to be touched.
  8. Connection with beautiful likeminded souls – again I needed to release my resistance to being available for people and to proactively connect.
  9. And I needed liveliness – to walk, run, jump, play in the sunshine.

These are all simple needs but especially us women will deny ourselves the very things that we need to thrive. It’s not ok for you just to survive. You are worthy because you were born.

There is no other reason that you need. You deserve your own love because darling, if you wont be on your own side you are already making it a lot more difficult for anyone to support you. If you wont chose to love you how can you expect someone else to satisfy your needs that you are blindly ignoring.

In this state you aren’t receptive and when you are shoving out everything you are also at risk of shoving out the special people you love. You are enough just the way you are so celebrate this with taking care of yourself and see what new possibilities you can invite in.

I urge you to do these self-love exercises and see where it leads your life, your relationships and you. You may be surprised.

Let me know how you feel about your self-love regime, where you are with your relationship with you or any experiences your having right now. I’d love to know.

About the JOY Coach

Rebecca Hulse

Rebecca is on a mission to empower women (and men) to change their own lives one act of love at a time. She lives her dreams dancing on cruise ships and writes about her amazing experiences at rebeccahulse.com where you can also download her free eBook L.I.F.E. For Dreamers Everywhere which shares her story of self-love and creating miracles. Rebecca also shares daily inspiration and love-wisdom in twitter and Facebook.

Read The Comments Or Add Yours